Friday, April 30, 2010

I Will Carry You

Tonight while checking out MckMama's blog, I was reminded of Angie Smith's blog & the loss of her precious little angel Audrey. Of course I had to go straight to YouTube & watch Audrey's memorial video again & listen to the song. Audrey's dad is in a group called Selah & a special song, "I Will Carry You" was written for sweet little Audrey. It's a heartbreaking video to watch, but coupled with an amazingly beautiful song. Although Landan didn't pass away as a baby, I can still relate to the beauty of the song on so many levels.

Lyrics -
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you

Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says…

I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?

I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All your life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen Me
To carry you

"And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me to carry you"
Before I'd ever heard this song I thought "I'm so thankful that God & Landan choose me to be his mama." I can't even describe how blessed I feel. I was trusted enough to keep an angel on earth for 3yrs. Landan choose me to spend his 3 short years on earth with, what a blessing & honor. God knows how much I miss Landan. The void is unimaginable, and only felt by those who've lost a child. It is not something that can ever be filled. The only thing that will make me whole again is when I'm called home to Heaven to be with God & Landan. Sometimes the 3yrs since his death feels so long and other times it feels like it was only a few days ago. I can't believe all the events & milestones I will go through without Landan here. Like when he should be going to 1st grade, Jr High, High School Graduation, College, Marriage, being a daddy ... The list goes on & on. I'll admit it, it makes me sad to see pictures of my friends kids doing the things Landan should be doing. It isn't fair that he's not here. If I could wish him back I'd do it in a heartbeat. No hesitation ... I just want him back.

I was watching the video of Landan singing "Take My Breathe Away" a few days ago with Layne. It reminded me all over again how much I miss my sweet precious little boy. Not like I ever forget or miss him any less. But to just see him so happy, singing, bopping around. It just broke my heart all over again. I just can't believe he's gone & never coming back. I think I said that a few days ago in a blog. But I just can't believe it, or maybe I just don't want to accept it. I mean really, who does?

1 comment:

PorshaCoghlan梁子珠 said...
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