Thursday, February 26, 2009

Dear Mrs. Assembly

Dear Mrs. Assembly,

Sometimes I feel like when I give my opinion on something that it falls on deaf ears & eyes. I've been through something too. Dare I say something worse, actually. Loathe me for saying that if you must but I've lost a child, yours is still here & doing well! But yet no one seems to take that into consideration. I guess it's because you haven't known me as long. Sometimes it makes me not even want to be involved in conversation, if my opinion isn't going to be noticed why do I waste my breathe? Of course I over react and think that you just don't really care that I lost a child. I don't want everyone to "bow" down to me because of the fact. But it really pisses me off that I take the time to share a bit of MY opinion & it's just over looked. But when you share yours you get flowers thrown at your feet.

I think I must be invisible.

Sincerely, Mrs. Invisible Opinion

P.S. My feelings are very hurt & I'm bitter.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

So exciting!

I can't believe I forgot to post this here actually. Even if my blog doesn't have a trail of steady followers I still get people trickling in from here or their.

Our story is on a NATIONAL Meningitis awareness site. I'm very excited to be a part of the "M.O.M.s" program with the National Meningitis Association. It's an honor really! I have plans for an awareness project this fall.

Here is the link, please educate yourself by reading some of our story -

You can ready our story in full by click the link over to the right & go to Landan's Memory-Of.

Music can be so unique

... to each individual! It really is a neat thing that two different people can read the lyrics from one song two totally different ways!

Anyway that was just a thought above, I'm not really going to elaborate on it, just think it's really interesting! lol

I'm sitting here right now listening to the playlist on my Myspace page. Which includes:
Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory
Sober - Pink
I Will Be - Leona Lewis & Avril Lavigne
Let Me Go - 3 Doors Down
When I'm Gone - 3 Doors Down
Hang - Matchbox 20

If your bored you should head over to my page & listen to them. I take something from each of them. You might take something different from them though. That's the beauty of music!

For example, I'll break down part of "Sober" by Pink that means something to me.

"When it's good, then it's good, it's so good till it goes bad
Till you're trying to find the you that you once had
I have heard myself cry, never again
Broken down in agony just tryna find a fit "

To me, this does a good job of symbolizing the time in my life after Landan passed away. Life was good, perfect - until everything went to hell & my life came crashing down. I'm still trying to find the "Lacey" that everyone used to know, Landan took some of that with him. So you get where I'm going. If you feel like it - tell me what those lyrics mean to you!

On a side note, if I could have anything singing voice in the world, it would be Pink's. Gosh she's so talented!

This this was such a random post - Enjoy this random graphic by me too! lol

Wonder what he sees?

I obviously can't help but wonder if Layne sees Landan. I know that it's said, children are more susceptible to seeing angels & spirits. As adults, we've been told it's "abnormal" to see those sorts of things which is a big contributing factor as to why everyone can't see our passed loved ones.

Anyhoo, Layne LOVES his Jumperoo (check it out!) my mom was laughing at him the other day because he really has a blast bouncing & kicking his legs around! He's recently learned to swivle the seat around to look in his big brother's curio that is next to the jumper. It's really sweet, here's a picture actually (don't mind the clutter!) Well tonight Layne turned himself around to look at the curio & he was really just bouncing around, smiling & was SO SO excited! Normally he's not laughing when he's in their unless mommy or daddy is interacting with him to make him laugh.

So I don't know, take from that what you will. I think he sees angels :)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I don't accept it

It can't be real, how can it be that such a sweet, precious boy not be here with his family? I can't wrap my head around this. I want him back! I miss him so much, I hate living without him. Please don't think I'm a horrible mom because I miss him so much. I really am greatful that Layne is in our lives now. His sweet little face brings happiness to me again - But their is always a piece of my heart missing, Landan took that piece to Heaven with him when he passed away. I really can't believe this is the life that I have to live now. I'm positive I've said that a million times now! I know he's gone - But I don't want to believe it. You'd think, after two years, it would be easier to understand. But understanding why children die will never happen. Atleast not while I'm on earth. I look forward to the day when I get to Heaven so I can wrap my arms around my precious little angel!

You know being a parent that has lost a child, alot of things change. At the age of 21yrs I became a bereaved parent & the owner of my own burial plot. I can't believe it. My husband & I have burial plots right next to Landan ... ALREADY! Landan's dad also has one on the other side of Landan & my mom & stepdad are behind Landan.

I could say all day on here that I miss Landan ... I miss him, I MISS him ... I MISS HIM!

Dear God - I've never asked for money, or fame. Can you please rewind time & give me my bebe back? I miss him more than anything & the hole in my heart hurt's so much. I promise to be the best mother & wife I can be. Maybe if you won't let him come back - Could I talk to him on the phone? Or maybe I could come visit him on holidays? I know that even if I could do those things, it would still be too hard to bear that he's not with us daily. I feel so lost without him. He's my soulmate! I need him in my life. As you know, Landan is a big brother now! It pains me that he's not here to physically play the big brother role. I feel like Layne is missing out on knowing such an amazing person! But I know I will tell Layne all about his big brother & what an amazing person he is. Landan is our little, brave hero. If I can't see him, please God - Give him all my love, kisses & hugs. My arms ache without him in them. I miss you so much bebe. I YUV YOU!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Angels On The Moon

I've been in love with this song since I first heard it. It's by a band called Thriving Ivory I recently made a siggy inspired by the song for a siggy challange on JustMommies.

Do you dream, that the world will know your name
So tell me your name
And do you care, about all the little things or anything at all?
I wanna feel, all the chemicals inside I wanna feel
I wanna sunburn, just to know that I'm alive
To know I'm alive

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

Do you believe, in the day that you were born
Tell me do you believe?
Do you know, that everyday's the first of the rest of your life

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

This is to one last day in the shadows
And to know a brother's love
This is to New York City angels
And the rivers of our blood
This is to all of us, to all of us

Don't tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't wanna know
If I can't see the sun, maybe I should go
Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming, of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know, never leaves too soon

You can tell me all your thoughts, about the stars that fill polluted skies
And show me where you run to, when no one's left to take your side
But don't tell me where the road ends, cause I just don't wanna know, No I don't wanna know

Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying
Don't tell me if I'm dying


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