Tuesday, February 5, 2008

A year ago 11/14/07 (taken from myspace)

A year ago to day my earthly angel was a happy healthy little boy. Well I can't with a 100% say healthy because statistics would tell me that Landan was already infected with the deadly bacteria that took his life. But Landan was completely normal until he woke up early from his nap. I wont repeat his story, because weather your a personal friend, or online friend I assume you've already read it. I thank everyone that that got love Landan, and I thank everyone online that has let Landan into your heart. I doubt I could have made it through this year without you all! The kindness that is shown to me, never ceases to amaze me! You are all a role model to me, you give me a mold to use when someone else is in need!
Im so afraid that people will assume my "greiving period" is over because of the one year mark. But in all honesty ... it has JUST begun. I've YET to come out of the shock phase. I STILL believe Landan is coming back! I have no idea how Im going to make it through the rest of my life without him. He was the center of everyones lives, the apple of our eye! He was spoiled with love, accepted it all, and gave us back just as much love! I can never fully get across what an amazing child I had. I really did have an angel since he was born!
Please forgive me if I skip around from emotion to emotion. Im so damn scatterbrained now-a-days. I've been having anxiety for the past few days. But Thank God that it hasn't been as bad as last time! This time it's just been - my stomach in knots because of worrying, sometimes with a racing heart beat, and things like that. But still (as many know who've had anxiety) you get that overwhelming fear that something serious is wrong, or your near death. My mom thinks that Im questioning my own life, because if Landan can die at 3yrs, then maybe I dont feel as safe anymore. I mean it's not like I didn't know before that children & young adults die everyday. But never have I experienced one so close to me, and so precious to me.
Well Im going to end this here, Im sure their will be more blogs during this time where Im still trying to make sense of everything.

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