Friday, July 24, 2009

Don't ever not feel good please!

Copy & pasting this from my JustMommies forum

*DH=Dear husband

Well I just got up from the total of 4hrs that I slept. Layne has a double ear infection, we went to the ER this morning.

Late last night Layne got kinda crabby about 3amish DH went to put Layne back to bed & after an hour of DH shushing Layne & trying to comfort him, I got him up and held him on my lap, he felt hot & finally fell asleep on my chest. I was telling DH that I thought he had a fever & was starting to worry about Layne but we born assumed that it was most likely from him crying for an hour. I started to get emotional & cried, I hate that I have to worry everytime my child get's sick because I have guilt that I didn't worry enough when Landan got sick. So at 5am we finally get in bed, I couldn't sleep at all, I laid their & tried to sleep, got out of bed a few times, etc. I was just having anxiety over Layne & was so worried about him. At 7:30am Layne started crying again so DH got out of bed to shush him back to sleep. He was still getting upset so DH got up with him & went out to the living room. DH came to get me only a few mins later saying "Somethings not right" Said that when he got Layne out of his swing he shivered & seemed like he was in pain when someone touched him. Layne was also grunting & squinting his eyes. So I asked if he wanted me to call my mom to get her opinion on what we should do. My mom said to take him to the emergency room, we thought it might be pneuomonia or RSV. So we took him in, after we got checked in & were in the waiting room Layne squinted his eyes & whimpered like 4-5times in a row. I was starting to feel panicky. Then the nurse comes to get us & we're walking to the room that we're going to be in. As we walked up to the room a wave of panic & emotions came over me. It was the exact same room I was in with Landan when we rode with the ambulance & went to that same hospital when he was sick. I was shaking & DH was calming me down. I felt like we were going to find out something horrible after being in that room again, like impending doom was coming. The Dr came in just a few mins later, she was a very sweet lady. We mentioned everything that had been going on, answered some of her other questions & told her why we were so nervous about everything. I started to tell her about Landan & DH took over. He started crying telling her about Landan & that when we were in the NICU we felt that noone cared about our previous loss & why we were so scared about Layne being in the NICU because we'd already lost a child. Again, she was so very nice & sensitive about our situation. She did an examination on him & turns out he has a double ear infection. I kept asking, "So his lungs & heart are fine?" Even though she'd checked them & said they sound perfect. I guess I just felt like it had to be something else, something more serious. Especially since we were in the room in the ER that they told us "he's a very sick little boy" in & you know how that story goes ...

So he's on amoxocillin & tylenol. We left the hospital & went to see my mom (she works at Rite Aid in the pharmacy) to get his perscription. DH called work & let them know what was going on, they understood why we were concerned & why we had taken him to the ER so they called in someone to cover his shift. After we got home & before I laid down to take a nap DH hugged me & started bawling. (He'd kill me if he know I was posting this.) But I know he has guilt for not being here when I had to call 911 & do all that by myself with Landan. But he was at work, so that's not his fault. And he said to me "I love you guys so much. I just feel like, in situations like these that Landan was with him telling him everythings going to be ok" (Tears)

I know it doesn't sound like a big deal. But this is the first time we've ever had deal with anything medical & our child acting weird. But I'm thankful that it's nothing major. Thanks for reading.


LostinChaos said...

Having to go back to a place where something traumatic has happened to you, is always a trigger for an overwhelming amount of emotions. I can't imagine the wave of feelings you dealt with during this whole ordeal. I'm sorry everything that has happened to you. ((())))

The Redhead Riter said...

You don't have to apologize!

It is terrifying when we are unable to "fix" the problems our children have and we feel helpless. I know how you feel. I hope he starts getting better quickly.

Sending some blog ♥ love.

MissingLandan said...

Thank you ladies for your support. It means alot to me & is so greatly appreciated!

Rosie said...

I started to cry when I read this.. Im so sorry about ~~Landon~~.. and I hope that eveything is okay with your little boy and even though landon is gone you still have so much more to live for!! GOB BLESS!!! ~~ROSIE~~


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