thought a loss, ever other little event can seem so scary & tramatic!
All the time I worry about losing someone else that is important to me. My brain & eyes play tricks on me as well. It's no way to live that's for sure.
Last night Andy was eating pizza & I asked him a question while he was chewing. He started choaking on his food. He walked into the kitchen where I was & was gagging like he was going to throw up. He was then leaning over the sink gasping for air, I instinctively pounded my fist on his back because I thought he was choking ... his face had started to turn purple. He could breath out, but couldn't breath in. He finally got himself calmed down & was able to breath. Ugh it was scary. I always think ahead in a situation ... I pictured myself having to attempt the heimlich maneuver on him & then calling 911. But he had a better outlook on it than I did afterwards lol I told him that at one point his face had started to turn purple and he says "You should have videotaped that" ... NOT funny Andy! (lol)
Another time I was sitting here in my living room, on the couch about 5ft from Layne sleeping in his swing. My eyes must have played tricks on me because I looked over at him & he looked so peaceful ... TOO peaceful if you get where I'm going. My heart started to race & I slowly went over to the swing. I stood their kind of paralyzed wondering if this was really happening. I finally felt some reliefe after I heard him breathing.
I'm not psycho ... just damaged. I think I have PTSD to be honest.