It's coming up on 2mos that Landan has been gone. I still can't believe it's been that long. It almost pisses me off that time has gone by so fast. When he was here it seemed like we had all the time in the world ... the days seemed so long & weeks went by so slowly. Now that he's gone I can't believe how fast time has gone. As I said -- that makes me made. I was talking with my husband the other night & this is how I feel right now about God ... "I might be able to accept him back into my life at some point, but I will never forgive him." Because you know what ... Jesus used to save people from illness, make blind people see, disabled people walk ... and he couldn't have come down off his high horse & save my son?? Just makes me so mad. Errr. I don't want to anyone down I'm still just so mad at God & Jesus ... my son was an angel on earth, they didn't need him in heaven.
I want Landan back! I prayed soooooo hard at the hospital when he was sick, and we had SO many people praying for him ... I'm sure well around 100 people. And what for? It didn't do a damn bit of good so why should I ever want to pray to God again? I mean whats the point? I guess he wasn't listing that night. Well I'm sorry I didn't know God could just ignore people or just check out for that night. I didn't think it worked that way? I thought God was supposed to be here for us? Listen to us 24/7? Like I said I wasn't asking for material things ... I never did ... I just asked that my son be safe ... well my prayers when unaswered & now I have to suffer the rest of MY life. Landan & I didn't do anything wrong, yet we've been punished. Man I hope there is a heaven, because if I found out there wasn't I wouldn't want to be here any longer. ((sigh))
Well ... I guess I'm done venting for now I feel a headache coming on, ugh!